oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
