I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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