Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
