He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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