One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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