He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize