I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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