Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
