No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
