What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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