im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So gin and wine won't be happening again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
