Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
