I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
