All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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