I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
