why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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