yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
