My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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