Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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