if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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