imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
