Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
