Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize