i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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