"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
