Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
