So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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