I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
