Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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