What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
