Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
