I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
