I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
