im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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