I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
