we're chasing vodka with high fives
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize