I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
