i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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