also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize