He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
