I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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