just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
