I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
