I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
