I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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