I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
