she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
