I must be too annoying 4 u.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i think im in europe. pls send help
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
