I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
