and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize