I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
