Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
