So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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