woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As shirtless as possible
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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