TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
