We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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