i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
