I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
