I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
