I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
