dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
