look no pants
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
