I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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