Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
